Today in My Life -Taking it Day by Day

Opinions Wanted!

2008-12-17T17:46:00.002-05:00

I would like people's opinions on the following matter. Thank you in advance!

Back in the fall this girl I know lost her apartment, and therefore was homeless and asked if she could crash on our couch for a few weeks. Of course, being the nice people we are, we said yes.

During this time she kept "loosing" apartments because they just randomly wouldn't call her back.. EVERY time. It seemed really weird to me. But then, she broke up with her boyfriend and announced she was dating my roommate. Umm, ok... to me it seems like she didn't get those apartments because she didn't want to move in with her boyfriend, and she wanted to date my roommate instead. I think what she did was pretty shitty to her now ex boyfriend, and I hate it when people are not upfront with me - but I let it slide. I had no proof, but I'm wondering if anyone else thinks that maybe, just maybe she never planned on finding the new place.

When she started dating my asshole roommate, he sent me a facebook message asking if it would be ok. I said sure, if it was ok with everyone else. He did not ask everyone else, he TOLD everyone else. Soon she moved a bunch of her things in, her cat in, and her and her new boyfriend took over the main floor. The kitchen became unbearable, the place was always terribly dirty, and she placed her kitty litter next to the kitchen so that the whole house smelled like cat shit.

December 1st rolled around, and assuming that we were continuing to share rent with everyone in the house, myself, my sister, and our good roommate gave what we believed to be our share of the rent money to the asshole and his new girlfriend. He then proceeded to flip out saying we were not allowed to charge her rent, that he was going to take our money and leave, that he would start charging us rent for being in the living room, charge us money for using his xbox, which he previously told everyone to use whenever they wanted, and that he could have 18 people live in his room and there was nothing we could do about it.. and more, but you know, that sums it up. Needless to say, I was outvoted and was forced to let his girlfriend live for FREE in MY place.

I'm not going to lie, this has caused DEEP resentment with me, and with the other roommates. None of us want to associate with asshole and his girl, and they prance around like they fucking own the place. Little things I let slide before, I don't let slide anymore. I mean sure, with a friend I might be willing to overlook these things, but not anymore.

Recently I posted a note saying they had to move the kitty litter out of the main room. They did. Thankfully.

I've also posted notes about leaving the lights on, and leaving the front door wide open - as I've come downstairs many times at all hours of the day including around 6am in the morning and the door is wide open. TC and I don't leave our rooms mostly, Chris works nights and doesn't come home until around 8:30am ish, and I ALWAYS make sure the door is closed, but yet so many times the door is wide open, which is unacceptable since once already this year our house was broken into.

Today I posted another note, the girlfriend always hangs out on the main floor, it's basically her room, which she gets for FREE, but don't get me started on that again. Anyways, she often plays music and sings along, really loud. Today it was the end of the line for me. The music woke me up from my nap, and as I previously mentioned Chris, the good roommate, he works nights so he was sleeping. How rude can you be to blast music in the middle of the day when you know someone is sleeping because he works really long hours? Fuck, it made me so mad.

This is all just the tip if the iceberg with them. They believe they fucking own everything. The kitchen is always overflowing with their dishes, they use my oil, my maragarine, they drank my cranberry gingerale. They ate Chris' steaks, and then they asked him to pay for some of their food when they shared it with him. They destroyed TC's kettle, they destroyed my sugar bin, and part of the stove. They have late night D&D sessions EVERY Sunday, which keeps me up, and afterwards there is always pop and snacks, including chocolate laying around the living room, which can kill my dog. They're slobs and assholes in my opinion.

What is your opinion?

Lucky Day!

2008-09-26T15:44:00.002-04:00

After yesterday's depressing and bitter blog, I thought it would be a good idea to post a happier one.

Today has been a good day so far.

The first thing that has happened was that we received a pay cheque. I started off the morning by emailing the CEO and I told him I wasn't coming in today if there wasn't a cheque, I told him the issues I had with what was going on and informed him he needed to keep us updated. He responded informing me that he had found some money for everyone to get one cheque (some people are owed a lot more) and so to come in. So I did.

We were informed there is a good chance that we should be getting our next pay cheque on time, so that was a relief. It's not a promise, but then again, they've broken promises before. The only concern I have is that the money I deposited today will not be off of hold by Tuesday, but, if they pay us on Tuesday, that shouldn't be too much of an issue. I can also probably cash the cheque at CashMoney (I'm so done with Moneymart) which would cost me about $50 or so, but at least I'd have the money available right away. I think I will sell the couch still, and post up for my bed to be sold for Tuesday, just in case but the good news is the computer is staying put, for now.

If that didn't cheer me up a bit, Alec brought me some leftover pizza for lunch. I swear, it was the best pizza I've ever had! Not only that, I splurged for a $2 bottle of orange juice, and it was magnificent. Oh sweet nutrients, I missed you so.

Then, I got an email. From the company I interviewed with a few weeks ago. They said I had been chosen as a finalist and that they wanted me in for a final interview. That date is set for October 6th. I was giddy! This a small company, located near Cherry Beach. When I walked in a loved the atmosphere and the people I met. I was told it would be a busy job, something I want. Perfect! Did I mention that next door to this office they had go-karts? *laughs* I swear I'd be go-karting on my lunch hour.

If that wasn't enough to make me jump out of my seat, I then almost immediately received an email from another company asking me to give them a call. I spent about 15 minutes on the phone with a very nice lady named Norine, and I seemed to pass the phone interview, as she asked me to come in next week to meet her in person. OMFG! YES! Not only that, it's about a 15 minute walk from my house. I looked up the company and they seem A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I'm actually really really excited about this interview.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something will work out, and I can get out of this terrible rut and onto bigger and better things!

The Pangs of Life

2008-09-25T12:50:00.003-04:00

Recently, life has been less than easy to deal with. Ok, ok, I know I basically consider the last 10 years to be "not easy to deal with" but recently has been another trying matter.

Since June, the company I work for has been having some funding issues. By issues I mean there is no money. It started with a few bounced cheques here and there and has escalated into them not paying us AT ALL. I'm one of the "lucky" ones who is only owed one pay cheque right now, but soon, that will be two. There are others who are owed more.

Having this company not being financially able to pay us has caused some serious damages in my opinion. Not only is the moral really low, but I feel no one trusts this company any longer. Constantly is the thought of whether or not tomorrow they will file for bankruptcy, leaving their employees stranded.

In addition to this my personal life and credit has been ruined. Ok, true - I don't really have friend's anymore, but the few I do have, I can't afford to see, or go out with. I've had to cancel, or rather postpone a trip to build-a-bear with Julie, a birthday and thank-you dinner with Nimisha, and my birthday weekend to the Michigan Rennfest. I've turned down many days of fun, or wanting to do the little things like go out for dinner, take the bus out to MI, or maybe just see a movie. These little things add up.

In August I called my bank, PC Financial, and attempted to have my cash back withdrawal increased. They had said previously that in August I'd be up for review as long as my account was in good standing. I was excited. All my pay cheques get put on hold, so it can be very difficult to get the daily things done while I wait for the cheque to clear. When I called I found out that due to cheques bouncing and the fact that I have no been depositing regularly has not made me eligible for higher cash back. A little thing, yes, but it will be another 6 months before I can inquire into this problem again, and who knows if I'm going to be approved due to all the shenanigans with my pay.

Other problems I am running into is my credit with companies. Rogers has turned off my phone because I was unable to pay my bill. I've received calls from Toronto Hydro, and I'm sure Enbridge will follow. For someone with zero-to-bad credit, I've worked hard to get where I am with these companies, and it hurts me to think that because of something out of control, it has been ruined. While we're on the topic of credit, I've been waiting for a pay cheque so that I could pay Capital One to help build my credit. Sadly, this is put on hold due to the lack of pay.

In the meantime, I'm struggling day to day. My body is protesting the lack of nutrients. I've been living off a diet of toast and pasta/rice with the occasional hamburger. Now I'm done to pasta, or rice. Plain. I'm also down to sitting all day at work listening to my stomach rumble and feeling the pangs of hunger. I finish dinner only to realize that my next meal will be 24 hours from now. It sucks. I hate feeling this way. I just feel sluggish and tired all the time. I feel dehydrated, and I'm catching a cold. - But it will only get worse. -

Realizing the other day that I need to make money, and fast, I have to sell all my objects of any sort of value. That means my couch, my bed, and my computer. Maybe my books, DVD's, CD's and toys if I can get any sort of decent price for them. I've slept on the floor before, it's not fun. I already have back problems as it is, and I know that sleeping on the floor will only make it worse. However the thing I will pine the most for is my computer. Yes it's old, and yes we have a love-hate relationship, but it's my computer. I have so many things stored on there. Pictures, Music, Videos, TV shows, poems, everything. Knowing this, I also realize that it will be a long, long time before I can replace these objects. This is mostly depressing to me because I had plans to go to school in January. I don't see how, reasonably, I can go to school if I don't have access to a computer to work with. But I guess that is something to worry about later.

Through all this, I have a few major concerns. First, my pets. I'd starve before I let them starve. However I took on the responsibility of a foster kitten. Cute little thing has a fractured leg and was separated from her mother at a very early age. I'm supposed to have her until 7-8 weeks of age until she can be adopted, but there is a very real possibility I won't be able to keep her that long, unless we get paid. I feel terrible because she is thriving in an atmosphere away from the humane society and seems quite happy most of the time, despite her loud mews. My second major concern is paying my rent and bills, but I have a plan.

My plan first and foremost is to sell the things I have to make money for rent, bills and pet food this month. Then, if my employer has not paid me by the second week in October, I will go to my CEO and demand that he lay me off due to lack of funds in the company. At this point, I really don't care what he has to due, but hopefully I will get my paid wages (2 pay chques missed + almost all of another pay cheque of the first two weeks in Oct) in addition my contract states that should I be laid off/fired that I'm entitled to two weeks. I also at this point would be eligible to apply for EI (Employment Insurance) which would help until I find a more suitable job - and yes, before you ask, I already have been looking for awhile now. If I find I'm still short on money, then I can easily get an under the table job while on EI to help with bills.

I want to know what your opinions are of this plan. Is there anything you can think of that would be better?

It was recently suggested to me that I should quit my job TODAY, and go apply for a job at Starbucks. I disagree with this only because it means I a)would not qualify for EI because I quit AND I would be working a job and b)I can't possibly live off of minimum wage.

What do you think? Do you think it is wrong of me not to listen to that advice?

I'm constantly worried, I'm hungry and exhausted. I really hope things pick up soon, and thanks to Ocean Lake for making my birthday sitting on the floor of my room staring at a blank wall eating a meager portion of plain rice. Maybe if I'm lucky I can find a candle to put in the rice. But seriously, I know I hate my birthday anyways but this fucking sucks.

Today's Special: War, the Conservative Government and YOU!

2008-09-11T11:23:00.003-04:00

Only 4 days into the election campaign and already promises are flying out left, right and centre. During this time it can be very overwhelming, and very confusing to figure out who is saying what, who is promising what, and who is basically just talking out of their ass. It's no secret that many promises on the campaign trail will be reneged, or pushed under the rug where they hope the majority of Canadians will forget about it. This is always the case. It doesn't matter WHO you vote for, this will happen. So it's important, in my opinion, to try to distinguish between the realistic promises and they ones loaded with an order of Bull Shit.

The War in Afghanistan:

Earlier this year Harper extended the mission from 2009 to 2011. If you read one of the blogs I previously posted, I touched upon that subject there. Throughout that entire process he continuously mention how we should stay in Afghanistan UNTIL THE MISSION IS COMPLETED. That we shouldn't CUT AND RUN. Doesn't this sound like a certain US President? Not to name names... *coughGeorgeWBushcough* Harper has always been pro-war. He voted FOR sending Canadian troops to Iraq after the US invaded in 2001. He openly criticized and complained that we did not send our soldiers there to die. Ont his topic, and many more you will find similarities to his war-happy brethren in the US of A.

As we're quickly approaching the 100 death milestone for Canada, the heat is picking up in Ottawa, and now especially on the campaign trail. I'm find it hard to believe that Harper's views changed over night. He has stated that ALL troops could be out of Afghanistan by the 2011 deadline. I see this just as a political move to gain additional votes from all the people who are actively against our presence in Afghanistan. If Harper was serious on this matter, he would have informed NATO or our allies, but he has not. He is just mulling, and if he wins majority, this statement could easily be reversed.

Run for the Polls: The Canadian Election 2008

2008-09-10T16:05:00.002-04:00

I'm truly, very concerned about this upcoming election.

After two years of having Harper bully his way through the House of Commons and different bills. Having him threaten the other three parties, he decided to finally call an election.

Of course, in doing so he broke one of the laws that he previously bullied his way into being passed. An election would not be called until 2009 -- but here we are in 2008 and we'll soon be at the polls.

So why would he do this? Two reasons. 1)Most importantly, because the Conservatives believe they can win a majority government and 2)Because Harper's bulling antics finally triggered the election. Dion boycotted a meeting with him, which Harper saw as a lack of communication and trust and therefore had the Governor dissolve Parliament.

Oh-vey. I feel like we're in high school all over again.

There are some very important issues coming into this election. The environment (and the conservatives boycott of the Kyoto Protocol to name one) the war in Afghanistan and the economy, and the increasing loss of jobs in the country.

I'll touch on those topics another day. In the meantime, do your reading, share your opinions. Let's debate!

Ch-Ch-Changes

2008-09-09T11:40:00.003-04:00

My title is taken from an episode of CSI where everything seems to be turned upside down. My life isn't quite that drastic, but there are still a lot of changes happening.

The first major change in my life was accepting that people who I thought were my friends were not. I had some time away from home in August. The first part I went to Michigan - and boy, did I realize how much I missed everyone. Being in Toronto had been so painful for so long, that being there, surrounded by friends who actually care about me, who actually WANT to spend time with me was a nice change. I missed them so much, and I plan on going back as often as I can. Which, this month, may be two weekends in a row. (My birthday and then Danni/Travis' wedding)

The second part of that time away was not so nice. I spent the entire time crying and wondering what I had done wrong. Being so close to people I cared SO much about and having them blatantly ignore me hurt - but it was much needed. Needed to move on. When I returned home I wrote an email to two friends and asked them why it happened. One got really defensive, which just made me upset. The other wrote me a harsh email, that I plan on responding to today. It was harsh, but it was the first honest thing I've heard in a year, and I really appreciated it. Well, after I had a day or so to reflect. The first few days were hard, especially because this was someone who I truly do care about. Who I truly do love. It was hard because in some ways I thought he would always be there. But things ch-ch-change.

What this has brought about is a change in perspective. I've chosen to surround myself with people who like me. Who want to be around me. It's nice. We had this fantastic weekend at the CNE and Ontario Place. We play games. We laugh. We have McDonald parties. It makes me smile. Then of course, I have my boy. He always makes me smile, he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love him more than anything. Then there are my online friends. People scoff at them, but I enjoy talking to them. We have interesting conversations, we laugh, we exchange stories. I have my friends at the THS. We feed kittens, catch up, talk, gossip. Wednesdays are a highlight of my week for sure. Lastly, I have my dog walking friends. The people I meet every morning at 6:30am. Then the others that I see every evening. I enjoy my time in the park - and look forward to it. I see the same dogs everyday. I get to play with my dog, and I get to meet new people in the park. It puts me in a happy place.

The second major change in my life will occur in January. I am hesitating to declare 2009 to be "the year" as I've said that for many many years now, and it's always a disappointment. In January, I'm taking some night courses. I'm going to start small with the journalism certificate. 2 classes in January-April. 3 classes from April - July. It's not a degree, or anything fancy, but it's some sort of post secondary education. It's also something I'm interested in (Travel Writing) and something that will hopefully better who I am, and what I can do with my life. I plan on also taking the photography certificate courses, but that would start in September 2009. There are 9 courses there, so if I take 3 per semester, providing I can handle that, and work full time, then I should be finished that certificate by July 2010. That's not too shabby. What can I do with that in my life? Not sure, but either way it will be doing something I enjoy. After I finish that, I plan on taking a Small Business course starting in Sept 2010. When that is completed I'm going to try to take French. Being bilingual is something I want to do. It's something I wanted to do for a long time. With the Small Business courses I will be more knowledgeable to start my own business. I still want to open up the bar/restaurant, even if my original partner is no longer in the picture. Maybe that won't be something that can happen in the immediate future, but it is something that I want to happen in my life.

One of the most important things I want to do in my life is travel. I want to see the world. I've told many people I have a dream to travel the world, writing a book and taking pictures of my experiences, and what I've seen. I want to share this with all those who haven't been able to see the world, or those who just don't know what is out there. With the journalism/photography certificate behind my belt, I'm hoping that this will help me move forward to do what I want to do, and get those goals completed. I hope that there will come a time in my life where I can take a year off, or even 6 months and just travel. Ideally, it would be nice to be paid WHILE traveling, but I'm not holding my breath for that.

A Plea to All Cat Owners

2008-08-01T09:57:00.002-04:00

Please.. please keep your city cats indoors. There are so many reasons to do so. Most importantly, they won't get hit by cars.

This morning, on my way to work I found the neighbours cat, dead, on the road. Poor guy had just been hit.. and the bastard who did it, didn't even stop. He was dead, but he was still very warm. There was so much blood, and you just know he suffered.

If only I had left my house on time today.. maybe I could have stopped this.

Luckily, I knew where he lived. I ran to their house, and woke them up. It's never easy to tell someone their pet is dead. It's even worse to see the look of horror on their face when they see their bloodied animal laying on the ground. Watch as he picks him up, letting the blood goop from the open wound on his head, falling onto the ground, dripping... watching as the man cradles his dead cat, blood all of him, all over the cat. Not knowing what to do, where to take him. Finding out he is going through rough times and can't afford to have him cremated.

If I had the money, I would have paid for it. Sadly, I'm having my own money issues.

Don't let this happen. Keep your cats indoors. Drivers... slow down. Watch where you're going. If you hit an animal, stop, help it, please. Imagine if this was your cat, your dog, your child. Would you just leave them to suffer in the streets?

August is a'commin.

2008-07-28T10:42:00.002-04:00

And it's sneaking up fast!

First I'll reiterate my plea for a dog sitter. I'm looking for someone to puppy sit August 12-17th. Or August 13-16, or 12-16, or 13-17, whatever, we can work it out. I just need help. I need someone who has some spare time who wants to take care of my adorable puppy while I'm at a convention. He needs to be walked for at least two hours a day preferably, and he loves people, so preferably somewhere where he won't be alone all the time. Some of the time, is ok. I leave him alone when I go to work everyday, but I just want to make sure he's happy while I'm gone. He loves to cuddle, and play, and run... and you'll have a good time too, guaranteed. :) I'm also offering monetary compensation. Please let me know if you can help!

The other exciting part of August is that on the 8th I should be going to Michigan. I'm really excited to go, it's been forever and I miss my friends. I'm also excited that Nanuq can come with me, and he and Madden can be friends. Especially recently, he has been getting used to bigger dogs which is a good thing :) Now I just have to find a ride...

I can't for GenCon. Time seems to be speeding by, and the con will soon be upon me. I'm not sure what I'm more excited for: to get away, to play board games, to try out new games, or to see my friends. We're at the Sheraton, which I know is a nice hotel, as I stayed there one night last year. Only downside is its 6 blocks from the con. Oh no! 6 blocks you say! Hehe, trust me, that seems so far when it's 4am and you've been playing at the con all day. I'm going to miss staying in the Westin for the convenience factor of just going back to my room to drop stuff off.

At the end of August there is the CNE. I'm also super excited for this. I'm going to be going with my roommate Stefan and hopefully my friend Monique and her husband John. I'm looking forward to rides and games and the international building. August is going to be a great end (and in some ways, beginning) to the summer!

I swear this is true.

2008-06-20T16:12:00.002-04:00

I told someone the story of what happened yesterday, and they responded to me with "Damn. This shit doesn't happen to normal people, it only happens to you." Seriously. I think they may be right, and I swear I'm not making this up. It's just what life is like being me.

My driving instructor said he was bringing his pug to keep Nanuq company for our driving lesson yesterday. I thought that was such a cute idea! I could get my lesson, and Nanuq could get some company. Perfect!

He shows up, and I don't see the dog, ok, no big deal.. but then he opens THE TRUNK TO HIS CAR. Yep, the poor little pug, whose name is Tyson is in the trunk of his car. What the fuck? What type of dog owner keeps their dog in the trunk? A fucking shitty one, that's who. (Pardon my language) To make matters WORSE, he has one of those plastic zip ties wrapped around his neck as a collar. The same plastic zip ties they use in horror movies to tie people up. *shudders* I take Tyson upstairs, and the first thing he does is pee on Nanuq's bed. *sigh* Ok, not much I can do about that now. I make sure they are getting along, and then I go out for my lesson... and I notice a plastic bag FULL of dog food on the floor. Weird.

I go out to the car and my instructor tells me "I left a bag of food for Tyson." I tell him I didn't feed him, but I'm now starting to get a very wary feeling he is trying to pawn his dog off on me. Oddly enough, he had previously told me he had a Chow dog. He obviously has a pug, and then he tells me he has a female pug that is due to give birth at the end of the month. I feel sick just thinking about it, and thinking about the conditions the poor little pugs were/are in that they recently brought from the Humane Society. (Link: http://torontohumanesociety.com/images/30goldenaveraid/30goldenaveraid1_bg.jpg )

We continue the lesson, and when we return back, I decide to go and get Tyson first before paying him in case he takes off, as I get out of the car he says "You keep Tyson for one night?" Me: "No, sorry." If I had the money/time/space I would have taken him and then surrendered him to another home. He isn't neutered however, I couldn't stay home with him today and I was going away tonight. I just couldn't do it.

Today I called the animal cruelty line at the THS and reported him. I hope they get the dogs out of there ASAP.

So this means I need a new driving instructor. Not to mention, he had me try to parallel park on FRONT STREET during the evening traffic. Anyone who knows that area will know it can be very congested.

Today I've spent a good portion of the day trying to find a new driving instructor, without any luck. Everyone is booked, and they don't have time to give me lessons, and my driving test is July 4th... I'm so screwed.

Driving Lessons!

2008-06-17T13:00:00.002-04:00

Aww, the mini cooper S. The only car that makes me drool! Someday...

Yesterday was my first driving lesson, and it actually went better than I thought it would. I've hired some sketchy chinatown driving school, so I wasn't expecting much.

My driving instructor called 20 minutes before he was supposed to be there, and said he was late and I was going to be there in 1/2 hour. Then at 7:30 I was waiting outside. Close to 7:40 he shows up, in an unmarked car, that is obviously just the car he drives on a regular basis. Oh goody!

So we get in the car and start driving, soon he tells me to pull over because he forgot to put the driving school sign on. Why didn't he put it on before? I have no idea. Anyways, so we continue the lessons. We took Queen down to the beaches, and then through the beaches, up to Kingston, over the the Bluffs, then back home, for a total of a two hour lesson. I'm seeming to get the hang of the actual driving, but changing lanes can be troublesome as I have trouble seeing over the headrests in the back of the car.

Parking was the absolute worst. The first thing he had me attempt is parallel parking. I mean everyone knows this is difficult, but damn. It's doesn't help that he sometimes doesn't really know what he is saying. I hope I get the hang of it. Parking in the parking lot at the Bluffs seemed to be a little bit better, but still quite difficult. I managed to park fine the first time, but the rest of the time, it just wasn't working too well.

We were driving along and most of the time the speed limit was 40, and he would tell me "speed up to 40!" and when I reached 40 he would say "slowly! slowly!" Then I would slow down and he would say "you need to apply some gas!" *LOL* It's nothing short of interesting to be sure.

Because his car is just his car, he doesn't have a break on his side, and therefore is a little nervous and was holding the wheel most of the time with me. I didn't mind, but it was kinda amusing to be sure.

My next lesson is Thursday... I'm going to need all the practice I can get so that I can be ready for my test on July 4th.

This is great practice....

2008-06-12T11:56:00.002-04:00

Ever since I brought home Nanuq I've heard the phrase "This is great practice for when you have kids!" Why do people always assume that women are going to have children? I don't want children. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, as long as they are not mine. I'm perfectly content to be a babysitter, an auntie, that cool old person who shows up with treats - but I don't want to have kids.

Many times over my life people have told me "wait until you are older, you will change your mind." Everytime I tell them, "I don't think I will." It's not that I'm a cold hearted bitch, but I have other things on my agenda. First of all, I think it is irresponsible for ANYONE to bring a child into this world who is not financially stable. I don't care if you are a married couple, a single mom who got knocked up, or whatever, if you can't afford to give the child a fantastic life, don't bring it into this world, there are already too many unwanted children as it is. Secondly, my sister and I made a pact years ago when my mother went crazy. We shall NEVER have children. If we really NEED a child, then we can adopt, but there is no way we're passing down the crazy genes. There is a history of mental health problems in my family, why would I knowingly pass that along? That is just plain irresponsible. My mother was an only child, and since TC and I are the only children that we know of - this means we would successfully be ending this gene pool. Go us.

What people don't realize is that my puppy IS my kid. I mean, obviously not literally, but he means that much to me. Someone recently said to me that it seems that my puppy is a full time job, and yes, he is. He comes first, and plans and hanging out and everything come second. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against hanging out, but it's not always going to be as easy as "hey... come over tonight!"

On that note, he truly makes me happy. He is such an integral part of my life, I can't imagine him not being there. Sure, I complain, seriously who wouldn't? He often falls asleep at 1am, and he wakes up almost every morning at around 4:30am, if I am lucky, he sleeps till 5 or 5:30. I knew what I was getting into, but sometimes it can be a little rough, but that doesn't mean I don't love him. We've recently started with the morning walks, as I'm adjusting to the morning schedule. Never being a really early morning person, this was the biggest adjustment I had to make.

I hear a lot from strangers, and people in the park that he is really well behaved for his age. I would like to think that is partly him, and partly me. I do a lot of training with him. He has been running around off the leash for the last few weeks at the park, and MOST of the time he will come back when he is called. This impresses people to no end. It's not very often you find a 4 month old puppy that has mastered the recall command in a park setting. I'm very proud of him!

Our biggest obstacle it seems is potty training. He goes outside MOST of the time, and he knows that is where he is supposed to go, but if it is raining he refuses and will go elsewhere. He also hasn't mastered that he has to let me know he wants to go outside. Sometimes he will scratch at the door, and that is fantastic, but sometimes he just looks outside. It's difficult because I have to be looking at him 100% of the time, and I try to, but I don't always catch it in time.

In closing I wanted to add that others may be critical of my dog, but I've made changes in my life that have made me truly happy. He is there for me, he loves me, he depends on me. That's more than I can say for a select few - you know who you(s) are - you shouldn't complain about it, when I needed someone, he was there, and it's not like you've made any attempt to hang out with me. I've found something that makes me happy, and you should be happy for me. If not, then are you really my friend? I am happy where I am. I have a wonderful boyfriend, the cutest dog in the world, awesome cats, and I feed kittens at the THS which is often the highlight of my week. Sure, I have my problems, and I wish I had a better job sometimes, but hey, I choose to look at the positive side over the negative. In addition, I have friends who actually like being my friends, and are willing to work around my puppy schedule. If they are willing to do that, so should you.

Pugs, Phenomenons and Politics!

2008-06-05T09:47:00.004-04:00

Topic One: Pugs

Last night at the end of my shift at the THS there were camera crews and a pug and shi-tzu puppy in the front lobby. One of the supervisors there, Tammy, came running after Julie and I and told us the details. Last night the THS raided a puppy mill, and brought in 25 pug and shi-tzu puppies, plus the parents. Apparently the man is going to be fined only $2,000 and be given 6 months in jail. I wish there was a harder sentence for people like that, but such is the world we live in. One of the mothers had been impregnated 18 TIMES! Can you IMAGINE? This animals spend their entire lives in tiny cages and many of them die. These people frustrate me to no end. How can they did this, just for the sake of MONEY? If you know anyone looking to bring a pug or shi-tzu puppy into their home, direct them to the THS. Not to mention there are many wonderful dogs, cats and rabbits to adopt too! Specifically Hearsay, the highland mix dog. She is beautiful, overly friendly, and just wants a home and someone to love her! I see her every week, and I adore her. I would adopt her if I could!

Topic Two: Phenomenons

Unexplained Phenomenons to be exact. Recently I've been re-watching the X-Files to prepare for the movie in July. I used to LOVE the X-Files. I watched it all the time, I read the books, I had the calendar. Probably more, but I digress. It has been really interested to go back and watch these episodes. Some of them I remember clearly, some of them only snippets. It's hard for me to realize that I was only 11 years old when the show started airing. Yeesh. This section is all about rambling about the past shows, but more about what thoughts I've been having while watching the show.

How real are some of these phenomenons?

About a week ago, my roommate Stefan and I had a conversation about UFO, Aliens and all that fun stuff. It was quite interesting. I believe it is 100% possible that somewhere there is another planet with life forms. Life forms similar to ours. Is it really that unbelievable that maybe they have developed superior technology or have found a way to travel through the other galaxies to reach ours? Or maybe one of the unexplored planets carries a form of life. All stories and myths stem from somewhere. I wouldn't be surprised if an alien spaceship did crash/land on Earth. Think of it this way, should alien life descend onto earth a few things would happen. A)I'm convinced their bodies would not be able to last long on our planet. Their bodies have evolved and adapted to their climate. The odds that there is another planet with the exact make-up as ours is possible, but I do not think it is likely. B)This would disprove the reality of religion for BILLIONS of people. Say it landed in the Middle East, I guarantee the government there would do its damnedest to cover that shit up. Same with America. Same with many other places. It would cause panic, chaos, people would be rioting in the streets.

Not all of the X-Files deal with UFO's. Some of the episodes, like the one I watched last night about psychics and dealings with the dead is a popular theme. Have you ever seen a ghost? I have. Below I'm going to talk about some personal experiences I've had over the years. If you plan on just mocking me, then please, skip to section 3. Thank you.

When I was much, much younger I had a gerbil named Willimena. She was my first gerbil, and I adored her very much. One day my cat Georgie broke into the cage. Willimena had always been curious and "friends" with Georgie and she ran towards her. Bubbles, the other gerbil, ran other the dresser. This act saved her life. I was sitting in the living room and Georgie comes out juggling Willimena. She was barely alive and I held her until she died. I wrapped her up in a nice box and planned to bury her the next day. That night I slept in my mothers bed, in the living room. Willimena's box was on the counter. I woke up because something startled me. I looked up and there was a whisp of, almost fog I would say in the shape of a woman floating above Willimena's box. I was scared, and I put my head in the pillow, and then looked again and it was still there, so I closed my eyes really tight and when I opened them again, she was gone. I woke up my mother to tell her, and she told me I was dreaming and to go back to sleep.

When I was a bit older than the last encounter, I was probably around 12 or so I would say. We were up north at the cottage in Gooderham. In their town they had this really old graveyard that was for all the original settlers to the area. No one has been buried in there for about 100 years. The land is maintained, but it is beautiful, and placed on a hill. To the left of the graveyard was the post office/library and to the right was the gas station. My mother was filling up on gas, and we were chatting and running around with the daughter of the guy who owned the gas station. She asked us if we wanted to go into the graveyard, and we said sure! I've always had a really huge interest in the past, and I thought it would be fun. We go in, and we're very careful not to step on any graves. We're peering over the vines to read the dates engraved on the stone. 1800, 1850, 1900.. you get the idea. We look up and there is this orange dog standing a few feet away from his, and his eyes are RED. Really red. He snarled. TC, the girl and I ran. Ran as fast as we could without turning back, when we got out of the graveyard there was no sign of the dog. We looked at the girl, and she possibly was more terrified than we were. She explained that dog was a ghost dog, a phantom. She had not seen it since she was much younger, but it protects the graveyard. We vowed to not go back in that graveyard again. Years later, I visited Gooderham with two of my friends. I still refused to go back in the graveyard. I had learned my lesson.

There was an encounter I had with what I would have to call a spirit when I was living on Montrose. One night I felt a really negative energy. I know it is hard to understand, and it is hard to explain, but I KNEW there was someone there. I also knew they were angry. I also kept thinking the name James for some reason, but I never knew why. I was terrified, and couldn't sleep. My cats were also acting very strangely, and were curled up by my side, practically under the covers. Maybe you don't know my cats, but they never were a big fan of snuggling together, or snuggling together with me, they took their turns fairly. The next day the feeling was gone. I never could figure it out.

This last one is a little more personal.
When I was a kid, my mother told me the story about how the night her grandmother died, she knew. She was sleeping and her Grandma came to her in a dream and she knew she was dead. My mother woke up and was frantic and told her mother, who didn't believe her. The next morning they got word that my mother's grandmother had died in her sleep.

One night I had a dream. It was really disturbing. My whole family was in a room together, and they were sad. My grandma kept trying to talk to me, but I can't remember what she was saying. I remember my Aunt Carol in the dream giving me a hug and saying everything would be different. I woke up, and I was upset. Really upset. Those who know me, know that my family outcast me, they hate me. I never dream about them, especially like that. I was agitated and I couldn't let it go. This dream was REALLY different than my other dreams. Two days later I get an email telling me that my grandmother died two nights ago.

Even now, thinking about it, it kinda scares me. I think my grandma came to me in my sleep to tell me goodbye. We hadn't seen each other for years as the other family kept us apart. It's hard to deal with, and I really wish I could remember what she was saying to me in the dream.

Have you ever had any strange occurrences, or is this something unique to my life?

Section Three: Politics

Here is my beef with the current happenings with the Canadian government and their political ridiculousness.

Stephane Dion, the leader of the Liberal party was elected to a party in turmoil. At this point he should have been able to turn the party around, right? No. A large portion of the population is getting increasingly upset with him, and the Liberal party, and with good reason. They are letting Stephen Harper and the Conservatives make a JOKE out of parliament. Harper's Conservatives are introducing ridiculous bills, and are getting away with it! Did you know a LARGE MAJORITY of the Liberal's in parliament are not even showing up to their jobs? Do they get penalized for this? No. Why? Dion is afraid to topple the government. He is afraid to go to an election, for there is a good chance the Liberals would loose. Although, it has not always been this way. If he had shown strong leadership from the beginning this would not be happening. How is that they let the Afghanistan mission be extended without meeting any of our requirements? How is it that they are letting a bill pass that will let the Conservatives pick and choose which immigrants they want in the country, instead of processing them on a first come first serve basis. The Conservatives are running amuck and NO ONE is stopping them. When will this end?

In other political news, I am overjoyed at the prospect of Obama becoming the President of the USA. I believe he would be a life changing president that would set the country on the path to better times, and a better view in the public eye. His biggest obstacle is getting past the extreme racism they have for non white people. I hope he can do this, because as good a man John McCain is, I don't think he will help the country very much at all. Sure he will be more articulated than Bush, but a lot of their ideals are the same. I am very interested to see whether or not Obama will invite Hillary to be his running-mate in the election.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

2008-05-13T10:52:00.002-04:00

It has been many, many years since I read the Narnia series. I can barely even remember them, but that didn't manage to stop my excitement when I first learned they were re-making the movies. I always go into these movies with slight apprehension, and a lot of excitement, as I want them to be as wonderful a journey as I remember the books to be - and the first movie didn't disappoint me at all. It was enchanting and beautiful, and everything I always imagined it to be.

On Sunday my friend Julie gave me tickets to see the advance screening of Prince Caspian. How amazing! I was definitely jumping up and down in anticipation, and last night was the night!

The costumes are outstanding, the set breathtaking, and the characters stand out as individuals. The villains make you hate them, and you find yourself cheering for the good guys, as every good movie should. At some times the movie seems to move too fast - and yet when you emerge three hours later, it doesn't feel like much more than an hour or so has past. My favourite new character had to be the little mouse knight, he is so cute and chivalrous! My least favourite moment had to be the retard bear. If you see the movie - you'll know it when you see it. It had everyone in the theatre laughing for his brief few second appearance.

My few beefs I have with the story line (More Azland!) might be the reasoning that the book dictates there couldn't be more of our Gandalf-like lion, Azland. This has spurned an overwhelming urge to re-read the entire series, and I will be starting on that shortly!

My overall opinion is that everyone should see it in theatres. It's fantastic. I give it 4 out of 5 stars!

Call it what you want, baby. Girl, I call it love.

2008-05-12T15:21:00.003-04:00

So you're thinking... WTF mate?

So I'm saying, New Kids on the Block are back, baby! :)

I *LOVED* NKOTB. More than love, I was obsessed. It was probably my first big obsession as a kid. I couldn't get enough... I had the music, the dolls, the stage, the cards.. I had newspaper clippings and even a bar of soap from a hotel they stayed at. Yes, I was pathetic. But I was young, and they were oh so dreamy.

Now I'm an adult, and my obsession may be *slightly* less than it was before, but I'll tell you, it never went away (well, except for that time when I was 13 and decided it wasn't cool and sold almost EVERYTHING I had *sigh* I so regret that now.)

Ever since I heard the news, I've been excited, but today.. today marks a very very special day.

When I was a kid, they came to Toronto. ALL my friends went to see the concert, but of course I couldn't go, and I cried, and it was a big deal. I mean, this was NKOTB! So when they announced they were coming again, I knew that this time, fate was in my hands. I WOULD go, and nothing was going to stop me, NOTHING! Well, maybe except for a gazillion AMEX card holders who had first pick, and money... oh how I would have died for a VIP package!

Anyways.. I got a ticket, which I am thankful for, but I'm sad we're not all together. I'm in one section and Julie and her mom are in another section. I only hope that maybe we can trade our tickets into some scalpers and get something altogether!

The show is months away, but I already have the songs, and memories stuck in my head. Hopefully this time I won't leave my tape to melt in the hot Florida sun... ;p

Sunshine and Lollipops

2008-05-10T22:55:00.002-04:00

Wow. What a fantastic day.

I woke up with the sun, which is usual when you have a 12 week old puppy. I'm getting used to it, and usually it isn't so bad, but since I went to sleep at 3:30am last night, I was super tired, and I thought that would make me a grump today, but it didn't; quite the contrary actually.

Nanuq and I did some training, and he seems to slowly be getting the idea that outside is the best place to potty. He's getting really good at down too, and our training sessions are so much fun.

Then there was nap time, I laid down to read, and Nanuq jumped up on the bed too. I was reading for awhile and found him to be sleeping, so we took a nap. I love naps, especially with my cute puppy cuddled up next to me.

Later there was TC's fresh baked muffins (mmm!) and watching Stephen Colbert's dance off with Rain. I got an email from my penpal John in San Diego, and thwarted some zombies on urbandead.com. Later I took a hot bath, and the puppy slept beside the tub as I read. Jacuzzi baths just might be one of the best things in the world.

After the bath was nap time again, and Nanuq curled up with me for some more sleepy time. Feeling fresh and happy, we headed out for the little park which is nestled within Ryerson University. I so look forward to our walks over in the little park. There are always other dogs there, and it is a quiet little respite in the middle of a busy and loud city. Almost everytime we've been over there I've seen a beautiful dog named Queenie, and her owner Liz. Today we walked around together for about 1.5 hours with the dogs, Q is super jealous of Nanuq, but he is trying desperately to get her to like him. We met a few other dogs in the park, and we all had a grand old time.

I love walking Nanuq, I love the fresh air, and I love meeting and getting to know people. I really like Liz, she is a lady living on her own with her dog, and she is very sweet. Getting out and meeting these other animal lovers is always fantastic. It's part of the reason I love the humane society so much. These people feel the same way as I do, and it helps me feel not so alone. It's odd but I feel a connection with these people, they understand and love the lifestyle. I love it, animals have always been a huge part of my life, and they always will be. There was a time when I was about 6 years old, when I would sit and "talk" with my kitties. They would meow at me, and I would meow back. I was convinced we understood each other, and told TC that we could communicate. LOL, I remember she told her kindergarten class that her sister could talk to animals, and her teacher went and told my mother, and it always gave her a good laugh.

I think in some ways, I do understand animals. I connect so much easier with them than I do with people. I think that my animals help my abandonment issues. They are the only ones in my life who haven't left me, who love me unconditionally, and have never hurt me. They depend on me, and I depend on them. In more ways than one, they are my family. Most people can't understand that, and I can't blame them. Most people have real families, I just have my animals.

I think it is probably a good thing I live with people right now. There are two kittens at the humane society that I desperately want to bring home. There are the two girls in my pictures in the last blog. If I lived alone I would definitely bring them home to join my family. It's taking ALL my willpower right now not to do it.

But today has been my day of sunshine and lollipops. I've been happy, actually happy, and that doesn't happen all that often. I've been smiling and I haven't cried once, which has been happening a lot lately. I really like today, and I wish it could go on forever.

I have plans for tomorrow, and I hope they can happen. Nanuq has a vet appointment at 11am, and he is going to get his next booster shot. After that, I want to head over to the Beaches. I haven't been there in so long. I want to walk on the beach with Nanuq, and hopefully Alec can join me. Maybe we can get Icee's and walk on the boardwalk, and end up at that grove of rocks that I used to go to so often when I was younger. Sit near the water, and watch the ducks. Maybe let me toes dangle into the lake and look out and dream of being up north on the lake.

I hope that tomorrow will be as shining as today was. I'm crossing my fingers for luck, but no matter what, I had today to smile. I had one of the best days I've had in a long time. :)

The highlight of my week...

2008-05-08T15:51:00.007-04:00

Every week I look forward to Wednesday nights, my night away from home, my night to help out the kittens at the humane society, and my night to spend with Julie. I adore Julie, we've always gotten along, from the first day we met. I'm so glad we get to spend more time together this year... and go to see New Kids on the Block! Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself, that is to come in September...

My first time in the URI (upper respiratory infection) room was really difficult. There were kittens struggling just to breathe, kittens shivering and soaked because their mommy was so sick and drooling all over herself and her kittens, and a kitten that's head was rolling back and forth from side to side. I was pretty upset after that night a few weeks ago, and have been dreading going back to URI ever since.

Last night however, we were in URI, and it was a much different experience! I only had one cage of really sick kittens and mommy (and one they decided to euthanize, after I reported it to the vet tech as suffering. The poor thing couldn't even swallow and couldn't stand up, and was extremely tiny - at least now they are not suffering) but the rest of my kittens were fantastic!

There was this cage of all black kittens, except one tiger kitten. What a little cuties they were! One of the kittens REFUSED to eat, unless he was on my shoulder. So that's where he ate - sitting on my shoulder.

Then there was my favourite cage of the night, the cage I fell in love with. If I could adopt more cats, I swear they would be coming home with me. Heck, I'm still contemplating it - this was the best kitten ever. I open the cage, and 3 things happen, the mother with the most beautiful green eyes looks up at me, the one kitten (mostly black with some beige and white and a mix of other colours) brings up her paw to poke at me, and the orange and white kitten jumps into my hands. *laughs* SO that kitten was obviously first! We had such a hard time getting through the food because my little girl just wanted to play. She was jumping up on my shoulder, and attacking my face (in a cute playful way!)and swatting at my earrings, and trying to knock off my glasses. She would grab my finger with her little paws and chew on it. For a sick kitten, she was more lively than most of the kittens I had ever seen in the healthy nursery! Her sister was so cute too, she was playful and would look at you with the cutest little kitten eyes. I was hooked!

If anyone wants to adopt these little kittens - you should! They are honestly the cutest kittens in the entire world.

The kitten feeding makes me so happy. Sure you have your odd kitten that just won't eat, and spits all over you, but you understand, life is rough for these little guys. Some of them don't have mommies, some don't even have brothers or sisters. They are in cages, and are surrounded by many many other kittens in the same situation. They are constantly being fed by different people and at different times. These kittens are stronger than any pet store kitten, they've been through some rough times, and have come out the best little kittens on the planet.

Warning: Emo Alert

2008-05-06T22:02:00.002-04:00

Everyone has days like today. The really shitty ones, the day that just won't end, and everything seems like a nightmare.

Today is that day.

It is days like today that the little things make me cry, and I reflect on the bad things, and not the good things in my life. Emotions run wild, and I begin to realize that most of the people who used to be there for me.. just aren't anymore.

I long to seem important on days like to today. To be loved, and held, to be told that everything is going to be ok. To cuddle, and pamper me.. those are the things I want on a day like today, and when that can't happen, it makes everything seem worse.

I miss my friends, a lot. The friends who are no longer there, the friends that used to be. I miss the old times. I miss the connection we had. I miss the Americans that mean SO much to me, and I don't think they realize how much that is. When I tell them I love them, and miss them, I'm not just bullshitting, that is the way I feel. Sometimes I feel that they are the only ones in the world who cared about me. Maybe that is because they tell me they miss me, and how they can't wait to see me. How they will go out of their ways to make plans with me, when people in the city I live in can't be bothered.

On days like today I have many bad thoughts, many down moments when the world seems more horrible and cruel than usual. Am I imagining it, or am I seeing it clearly?

The main questions on my mind on days like today are, "Will life ever get any easier?" and "Did anyone ever actually care about me, or is it all just an act?"

Corporations? Yeesh, I think I just threw up a little.

2008-04-29T16:16:00.002-04:00

I want to address the TTC strike that happened on the weekend and the response it has been getting in the public eye. First of all, my beef with the ATC is that they promised 48 hours notice to the public and did not honour this promise. They claim it is because they feared retaliation from the public, but yet did they not think it would be worse when they came back to work? In my opinion, that was just one big excuse, and it wasn't a very good one at that. Second of all, yes, most of your executives were split on the contract. Why did you have to force a vote so soon? Work it out, you could have avoided this. The deal was sweet, but mostly for drivers. You couldn't make it fair for all your workers? That would have almost ensured a "yes" vote instead of the "no" that caused the strike.

Now here is my beef with the public and the government. The TTC workers have a right to strike. They shouldn't be working without a valid contract and if it is in the interest of the union, then that is their decision. If you don't want them to strike, then rule them as an essential service. Why is voting the TTC as an essential service such a big deal? Because it means they will make more money, probably have better benefits and cost the companies/city more - because you take away their right to strike. Hospitals, Police, Firefighters are just a few in the city who are considered essential. If you're going to order the TTC workers back to work, you better rule them as essential too, and now, don't wait for the next contract to expire.

My beef with the public is their lack of understanding. YES it inconvenienced you, YES it was a bother. YES you had to make alternative arrangements - but - had you been working for the TTC would you be bitching as much as you are? No, because it is your right as a union worker to strike when it is needed. I see facebook groups such as "Strike Back Against the TTC" - Now this is fucking ridiculous. Pardon my language. You are urging customers to just walk on without paying. If your local grocery store went on strike would you urge customers to walk in and steal products? NO, of course not. Just trying to walk onto the TTC is going to cause a backlash - against customers - not against the union you idiots. Now grow up and do something more appropriate if you are angry - write a letter, or speak to your local MPP, or attend one of the public TTC meetings. This will lead to positive results instead of you getting arrested and banned from the TTC.

Now onto my "favourite" of all companies, Rogers. Those of you who read my note on facebook will know the details of what I've been through with Rogers in the last few months. The short story is: they didn't send me a bill for months, and then were claiming it was my fault, and harassing me, even though I was calling constantly trying to get this figured out. So here is part million in my gazillion part series about why Rogers is the worst company in the world.

I finally found someone who was willing to deal with me, after the previous supervisor hung up on me after I waited 45 minutes to talk to them. I found Eric, a wonderful, friendly and seemingly competent worker. Finally! He apologized for all the trouble I was going through and seemed to move this process forward a little bit. He promised in one week to call me back. He didn't. Then I called to speak to him because I received my bill (finally) as he promised BUT it didn't have the details from December until March. I needed to see these details to pay the bill. The person I spoke to informed me they couldn't transfer me to him, but would send him an email requesting to call me. He didn't. Then another week later a lady called to harass me about my bill - again. So I explained the situation - again. She told me she was sorry and would get Eric to call me. Did he? NO. Another week has passed, and today I call. I ask to speak to Eric, but the CSR I spoke to, Alanna, was SO helpful I didn't need to speak to a manager, A REGULAR CUSTOMER SERVICE REP WAS ABLE TO FIX SOME OF THE PROBLEMS. These are the same problems they were unable to fix for the last few months. She went back and looked at my bills and mentioned that they were extraordinarily high and would look into it. She found the problems, and issued the credits dropping my bill by over 200%. She apologized for their ridiculous policies, and informed me that all the bills they claimed that I received and never did were actually returned to them and they were resending them to my house - but - IT WOULD TAKE THE BILLS ABOUT TWO MONTHS TO ARRIVE. So I will be getting my December bill in JULY. I asked her to fax it to me, and I was told Rogers doesn't have printers, or access to printers for security reasons. She couldn't even write it out and fax it to me because they are not allowed to have pens.

THIS COMPANY IS COMPLETELY INSANE!

She then noticed that they charged me $98 for my internet when it should have been $48, and transfered me to yet another incompetent employee in the internet department. He informed me that they were unable to to bill me just for one month at a time, and had billed me from February 1st to March 31st. Interesting. I started to argue it, but he told me this was right. I guess I will have to check my bill at home to see if the bill I just got for March has charged me for internet, if so, then they tripled charged me? My prediction is that they fucked that up too.

The other company I've been trying to deal with is CRA (Canada Revenue Agency) trying to get my T4's from 2005, and one from 2006. Let me just say that they are also ridiculous and that if I never had to deal with these companies again, it would be too soon.

Friday's Rain Day

2008-04-25T12:42:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to the people who left me comments yesterday. It was really awesome to see that. Andrew: you're not forgotten, I think it's just that we never tried to make the time. If you're ever bored, message me and we'll hang out, sound good?

Now onto my thoughts.

4am came much quicker than I expected. Nanuq had me up around 2:30 as he needed to go outside, and then again at 4. I honestly thought it had been about 20 minutes since he last woke me up, and was surprised to find that 1.5 hours had passed. I think this is just proving to me that I need to get more sleep, but I am finding it difficult to do so. Here is why.

If I go to bed early (10:30) then Nanuq wakes up starting around 12:30 to go outside. If I go to bed at 12:30, he wakes up starting at 2-3. Then when close to 5 hits, he is as excited as a kid on his first trip to DisneyWorld as I think he knows the sun is coming, and with the sun comes playtime, food time, and run around and harrass the kitties time.

So how do I get him to wake up later? It's not so bad on weekdays if he could just sleep straight until 6 or 6:30am, I would be ok with that, but when he has me up every few hours I find it difficult to be not grumpy in the mornings. On weekends ideally I'd like him to sleep in till 8am. I've read a few articles on this, and like a baby, there really isn't much you can do except wait until they are older. I am just afraid that he will get into the habit that 5am is wake-up De time, and that I will never get a full night of sleep again!

More in the animal world, I am glad that this week is finally over. Nanuq has been taking medication for his Giardia (commom parasite found in puppies) and Ree has been on medication for the claw that grew into her paw. I don't mind giving the meds to my furry friends, but it will be nice when we're back to normal. Ree has been so doped up on these meds that she has been grouchier than I have ever seen her. She even was trying to bite me this morning! Poor girl, at least her paw is looking better. What scared me last week when I took her into the vet was that I was told she has to move onto Senior food now (her and Jazzy) SENIOR! Yikes! I don't think of them as old cats, and when I think of that, it makes me sad. I lost Sabby just over a year ago, and it still hurts. I miss her everyday - she was truly the best cat, and one of the best friends I've ever had.

Adam, you made a comment yesterday about friends not having direction in their lives - and this had me thinking. I'm not sure what is worse, having direction and not being able to do anything, or not having direction and just living a truly happy life. Sometimes people don't need direction to be truly happy, they are just content with what they have. For me, I am not. I am constantly striving for a better life, to make myself a better person, and to make sure I'm not wasting this life. There are so many things I have wanted to do in my life, and knowing that it will never happen does make me a little depressed.

When I was in high school I really wanted to do two things, become a radio broadcaster, preferably doing interviews and whatnot with bands and people. Music has always been a huge part of my life, and I have always had an interest in journalism, so it seemed to go hand in hand. What was holding me back? Damn it.. money. The root of all evil. Secondly, I wanted to (and still do) want to study photography. I really enjoy it as a pastime, and as a way to express that inner artist - they one who has never really been good at any of the arts she has tried. As I get older, I realize that I can just take photography classes and they will give me the knowledge that I covet, but will I ever be in a place where I can use those skills to ultimately do what I want? Travel and photograph the world? I guess only time will tell.

Then there is always the idea of starting my own bar/restaurant. I had a "partner in crime" but that person no longer seems interested in me - or anything relating to me, so will this idea ever become reality? It's hard to tell.

So what will I do with my life? Am I destined to sit behind a desk making minimal money and being bored every day, or am I destined for bigger and better things? Could I achieve any of my goals? Travel writing/photography, the bar, or maybe just the smaller goals, helping abandoned animals, or restudying French?

I don't know if it will ever happen, but I truly hope so. Is it ok to daydream about these ideas become reality, or is it just going to further enhance the negative feelings I already have?

*disclaimer: I didn't proof read this. Please ignore any and all spelling errors and grammer mistakes! Thanks!

Blog - Day 1

2008-04-24T11:01:00.000-04:00

How uninteresting can a title be for this blog? Apparently very! But it is fitting.. today is day 1 of my new blog. A place where I plan to frequent, whether or not anyone in actually reading along.

It came to me last night that although I have hopes, dreams and inspirations I live my life from day to day. In the past this has been just forcing myself to get through the day, but more recently it's just enjoying the day, or going through the motions of the day and waiting for the weekend. I feel life is passing by so quickly, so I thought I would stop for a moment to record what it is I say, do and feel day by day.

Today I woke up and noticed the leaves on the trees. This is truly exciting, similar to seeing the first robin on spring. Summer is on it's way, and the warm breeze, and sunshine and the new leaves are making me smile. Summer has endless possibilities and is often associated with amazing times in my life. Winter always brings the cold, hard times, and I definitely am glad to see the thaw of spring.

For anyone who doesn't know, I have a new puppy. His name is Nanuq, and he is a little cutie! He makes life more enjoyable, and he makes me happy. It's amazing how much he has grown in nearly the 4 weeks since I brought him home. I love seeing the little progress we make each day. Learning to walk on a leash, sit, come, down, fetch, paw.. all things we've been learning. Potty training is a little more difficult, but I am optimistic that we can make it happen, and soon! He has a new little game which I find adorable. When I go into the shower he jumps into the doorway and tries to catch the water falling from the showerhead. He seems apprehensive to actually jump in the shower, but chasing the droplets is extremely entertaining to him! Just as when I get out of the shower he is there to try grab the tower and run - a regular old boy if I do say so myself! One of the things I love the most is when he jumps up into my arms, or into my lap and just gives you that little puppy look, with his tongue hanging out and his super excited eyes shining. He's amazing - even if he does keep me up at all hours of the night!

Another new and amazing part of my life is my volunteering at the Toronto Humane Society doing kitten feeding. I knew I would love it, I just didn't know how much I would! I look forward to Wednesdays like it is a trip to the amusement park. I look forward to seeing my little kittens and how much they have grown. I also quite anticipate seeing the Queen's I love so much - in particular - Sparky (petition to change her name! She is definitely not a Sparky!) Nothing prepares you for how amazing it is to feed these little guys who need the help more than you could know.

One of my little guy's I have named Champ. Poor little kitten has barely opened his eyes, and doesn't have a mom, or even other siblings. He spends his day alone in a cardboard box, except for when the volunteers pick him up to play. His colouring is beautiful! He has a little white "t" outlining his face, which is bordered by black on the sides of his head. The rest of his body is grey, except for his little white paws. He is my little Champ because he is so strong, and is such a good eater! He clings onto his little syringe and sucks it down like nobodies business. Meanwhile he is either stretching his hands out like he wants to hug you, or is grabbing onto your finger like he's hanging on for life. I really look forward to seeing him grow-up.

Last night I met two new kittens who I have named Eliza, and Ella. I have completely fallen in love with Ella, she is such a cutie! Her colouring is white, and grey and a lightish pink colour! She has these giant big eyes, and you can tell already she is going to be such a cuddler. She climbed up into my neck and start nudging her face into mine and then gave me little kitty kisses! Julie took some pictures for me, so I hope to be adding them soon. Now little Eliza is her sister, and what an attitude she has! Julie was trying to feed her and she honestly rolled her eyes at her when she asked her to eat. I love it!

These fabulous things in my life are making up for the things that usually make me sad. I have my insecurities, and I have my problems, but I am slowly trying to get over them. I have wondering things like my animals, the kitten feeding, and not to mention my boy to make the days seem fabulous. I have friends who love and care for me, which definitely makes up for those who only pretended to care.