The Pangs of Life

Recently, life has been less than easy to deal with. Ok, ok, I know I basically consider the last 10 years to be "not easy to deal with" but recently has been another trying matter.

Since June, the company I work for has been having some funding issues. By issues I mean there is no money. It started with a few bounced cheques here and there and has escalated into them not paying us AT ALL. I'm one of the "lucky" ones who is only owed one pay cheque right now, but soon, that will be two. There are others who are owed more.

Having this company not being financially able to pay us has caused some serious damages in my opinion. Not only is the moral really low, but I feel no one trusts this company any longer. Constantly is the thought of whether or not tomorrow they will file for bankruptcy, leaving their employees stranded.

In addition to this my personal life and credit has been ruined. Ok, true - I don't really have friend's anymore, but the few I do have, I can't afford to see, or go out with. I've had to cancel, or rather postpone a trip to build-a-bear with Julie, a birthday and thank-you dinner with Nimisha, and my birthday weekend to the Michigan Rennfest. I've turned down many days of fun, or wanting to do the little things like go out for dinner, take the bus out to MI, or maybe just see a movie. These little things add up.

In August I called my bank, PC Financial, and attempted to have my cash back withdrawal increased. They had said previously that in August I'd be up for review as long as my account was in good standing. I was excited. All my pay cheques get put on hold, so it can be very difficult to get the daily things done while I wait for the cheque to clear. When I called I found out that due to cheques bouncing and the fact that I have no been depositing regularly has not made me eligible for higher cash back. A little thing, yes, but it will be another 6 months before I can inquire into this problem again, and who knows if I'm going to be approved due to all the shenanigans with my pay.

Other problems I am running into is my credit with companies. Rogers has turned off my phone because I was unable to pay my bill. I've received calls from Toronto Hydro, and I'm sure Enbridge will follow. For someone with zero-to-bad credit, I've worked hard to get where I am with these companies, and it hurts me to think that because of something out of control, it has been ruined. While we're on the topic of credit, I've been waiting for a pay cheque so that I could pay Capital One to help build my credit. Sadly, this is put on hold due to the lack of pay.

In the meantime, I'm struggling day to day. My body is protesting the lack of nutrients. I've been living off a diet of toast and pasta/rice with the occasional hamburger. Now I'm done to pasta, or rice. Plain. I'm also down to sitting all day at work listening to my stomach rumble and feeling the pangs of hunger. I finish dinner only to realize that my next meal will be 24 hours from now. It sucks. I hate feeling this way. I just feel sluggish and tired all the time. I feel dehydrated, and I'm catching a cold. - But it will only get worse. -

Realizing the other day that I need to make money, and fast, I have to sell all my objects of any sort of value. That means my couch, my bed, and my computer. Maybe my books, DVD's, CD's and toys if I can get any sort of decent price for them. I've slept on the floor before, it's not fun. I already have back problems as it is, and I know that sleeping on the floor will only make it worse. However the thing I will pine the most for is my computer. Yes it's old, and yes we have a love-hate relationship, but it's my computer. I have so many things stored on there. Pictures, Music, Videos, TV shows, poems, everything. Knowing this, I also realize that it will be a long, long time before I can replace these objects. This is mostly depressing to me because I had plans to go to school in January. I don't see how, reasonably, I can go to school if I don't have access to a computer to work with. But I guess that is something to worry about later.

Through all this, I have a few major concerns. First, my pets. I'd starve before I let them starve. However I took on the responsibility of a foster kitten. Cute little thing has a fractured leg and was separated from her mother at a very early age. I'm supposed to have her until 7-8 weeks of age until she can be adopted, but there is a very real possibility I won't be able to keep her that long, unless we get paid. I feel terrible because she is thriving in an atmosphere away from the humane society and seems quite happy most of the time, despite her loud mews. My second major concern is paying my rent and bills, but I have a plan.

My plan first and foremost is to sell the things I have to make money for rent, bills and pet food this month. Then, if my employer has not paid me by the second week in October, I will go to my CEO and demand that he lay me off due to lack of funds in the company. At this point, I really don't care what he has to due, but hopefully I will get my paid wages (2 pay chques missed + almost all of another pay cheque of the first two weeks in Oct) in addition my contract states that should I be laid off/fired that I'm entitled to two weeks. I also at this point would be eligible to apply for EI (Employment Insurance) which would help until I find a more suitable job - and yes, before you ask, I already have been looking for awhile now. If I find I'm still short on money, then I can easily get an under the table job while on EI to help with bills.

I want to know what your opinions are of this plan. Is there anything you can think of that would be better?

It was recently suggested to me that I should quit my job TODAY, and go apply for a job at Starbucks. I disagree with this only because it means I a)would not qualify for EI because I quit AND I would be working a job and b)I can't possibly live off of minimum wage.

What do you think? Do you think it is wrong of me not to listen to that advice?

I'm constantly worried, I'm hungry and exhausted. I really hope things pick up soon, and thanks to Ocean Lake for making my birthday sitting on the floor of my room staring at a blank wall eating a meager portion of plain rice. Maybe if I'm lucky I can find a candle to put in the rice. But seriously, I know I hate my birthday anyways but this fucking sucks.