My title is taken from an episode of CSI where everything seems to be turned upside down. My life isn't quite that drastic, but there are still a lot of changes happening.
The first major change in my life was accepting that people who I thought were my friends were not. I had some time away from home in August. The first part I went to Michigan - and boy, did I realize how much I missed everyone. Being in Toronto had been so painful for so long, that being there, surrounded by friends who actually care about me, who actually WANT to spend time with me was a nice change. I missed them so much, and I plan on going back as often as I can. Which, this month, may be two weekends in a row. (My birthday and then Danni/Travis' wedding)
The second part of that time away was not so nice. I spent the entire time crying and wondering what I had done wrong. Being so close to people I cared SO much about and having them blatantly ignore me hurt - but it was much needed. Needed to move on. When I returned home I wrote an email to two friends and asked them why it happened. One got really defensive, which just made me upset. The other wrote me a harsh email, that I plan on responding to today. It was harsh, but it was the first honest thing I've heard in a year, and I really appreciated it. Well, after I had a day or so to reflect. The first few days were hard, especially because this was someone who I truly do care about. Who I truly do love. It was hard because in some ways I thought he would always be there. But things ch-ch-change.
What this has brought about is a change in perspective. I've chosen to surround myself with people who like me. Who want to be around me. It's nice. We had this fantastic weekend at the CNE and Ontario Place. We play games. We laugh. We have McDonald parties. It makes me smile. Then of course, I have my boy. He always makes me smile, he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love him more than anything. Then there are my online friends. People scoff at them, but I enjoy talking to them. We have interesting conversations, we laugh, we exchange stories. I have my friends at the THS. We feed kittens, catch up, talk, gossip. Wednesdays are a highlight of my week for sure. Lastly, I have my dog walking friends. The people I meet every morning at 6:30am. Then the others that I see every evening. I enjoy my time in the park - and look forward to it. I see the same dogs everyday. I get to play with my dog, and I get to meet new people in the park. It puts me in a happy place.
The second major change in my life will occur in January. I am hesitating to declare 2009 to be "the year" as I've said that for many many years now, and it's always a disappointment. In January, I'm taking some night courses. I'm going to start small with the journalism certificate. 2 classes in January-April. 3 classes from April - July. It's not a degree, or anything fancy, but it's some sort of post secondary education. It's also something I'm interested in (Travel Writing) and something that will hopefully better who I am, and what I can do with my life. I plan on also taking the photography certificate courses, but that would start in September 2009. There are 9 courses there, so if I take 3 per semester, providing I can handle that, and work full time, then I should be finished that certificate by July 2010. That's not too shabby. What can I do with that in my life? Not sure, but either way it will be doing something I enjoy. After I finish that, I plan on taking a Small Business course starting in Sept 2010. When that is completed I'm going to try to take French. Being bilingual is something I want to do. It's something I wanted to do for a long time. With the Small Business courses I will be more knowledgeable to start my own business. I still want to open up the bar/restaurant, even if my original partner is no longer in the picture. Maybe that won't be something that can happen in the immediate future, but it is something that I want to happen in my life.
One of the most important things I want to do in my life is travel. I want to see the world. I've told many people I have a dream to travel the world, writing a book and taking pictures of my experiences, and what I've seen. I want to share this with all those who haven't been able to see the world, or those who just don't know what is out there. With the journalism/photography certificate behind my belt, I'm hoping that this will help me move forward to do what I want to do, and get those goals completed. I hope that there will come a time in my life where I can take a year off, or even 6 months and just travel. Ideally, it would be nice to be paid WHILE traveling, but I'm not holding my breath for that.
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2 comments:
Hey, really awesome post. It reminded me of a few things and made me think of some others.
You really inspire me De. I know I've said this before, but I find far too many people around me are living complacent, stationary lives, not trying to do anything differently or better, just passing the days. For some it is because they don't have the will to put in the necessary effort, for some it's just pure laziness or apathy and for some they want to, but like you, just don't really have the means or don't know where to start so it just never gets done. It's been hard for me, while I bust my ass trying to secure a stable full time job as well as work on creative projects and personal better-ment that it just makes it seem like I care way more about the world and myself than anyone else. And that's a lonely and frustrating feeling.
I wish when I stand up and shout defiantly "I'm going to DO this!" that people would go "yeah we're with you, lead the way!" but they don't. I've tried to lead by example and inspire my friends but the ones I'm trying to reach just aren't connecting.
So to see you with these ambitions and great attitude (and you're realistic which is HUGE) it just makes me feel a little better about not selling myself short and knowing I may be a rare breed but to have someone else of this ilk to talk to for a little extra insight and encouragement is really a saving grace.
I know we don't talk as much now as we used to, and I'm not super proud of that, but when I get things all figured out (hopefully before the end of the calendar year) I really want to rekindle my social connections, because I realize that I am at my happiest when I am with people, sharing stories and experiences, laughing, debating, just sharing life with each other. Connecting with someone is such a great feeling. It makes you forget everything that isn't important and focus on life, humanity, humility and it's a great stress reliever!
Hopefully this doesn't sound lame, but I'm proud of you! :)
hey u..
im so glad we got to chat last week... ive been feeling the same way recently about certain ppl in my life.. and ure right.. surrounding ureself with people that make u happy and letting go of the people that are just there to hurt u..and im proud of u too.. cuz i know how much it hurts to let go.. goodbye has to be the saddest word.. but i think the new goals uve set for ureself will bring u happiness.. and i wish u the best of luck.. and if u ever need anythin.. u know where to find me.. *hugz*
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