Everyone has days like today. The really shitty ones, the day that just won't end, and everything seems like a nightmare.
Today is that day.
It is days like today that the little things make me cry, and I reflect on the bad things, and not the good things in my life. Emotions run wild, and I begin to realize that most of the people who used to be there for me.. just aren't anymore.
I long to seem important on days like to today. To be loved, and held, to be told that everything is going to be ok. To cuddle, and pamper me.. those are the things I want on a day like today, and when that can't happen, it makes everything seem worse.
I miss my friends, a lot. The friends who are no longer there, the friends that used to be. I miss the old times. I miss the connection we had. I miss the Americans that mean SO much to me, and I don't think they realize how much that is. When I tell them I love them, and miss them, I'm not just bullshitting, that is the way I feel. Sometimes I feel that they are the only ones in the world who cared about me. Maybe that is because they tell me they miss me, and how they can't wait to see me. How they will go out of their ways to make plans with me, when people in the city I live in can't be bothered.
On days like today I have many bad thoughts, many down moments when the world seems more horrible and cruel than usual. Am I imagining it, or am I seeing it clearly?
The main questions on my mind on days like today are, "Will life ever get any easier?" and "Did anyone ever actually care about me, or is it all just an act?"
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2 comments:
Hey, hope you are feeling better today :)
*hug*
Hang in there, you're a great person!
*hug* i miss u too.. and i know i live in the same city.. we keep saying we need to get together.. but i really want to.. the wednesday after the long weekend want to do chinese? i will be done class by 9? let me know.. trust me i have more than my fair share of days like this.. *hug*
nim
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